Whenever I stop writing for a while
It always means

I am deep in thought –
My mind trying to process
Or figure something out

Or

I am feeling stressed & overwhelmed,
A more common feeling than I’d like.

Stopping is a relatively new thing for me.

Until a couple of years ago,
I would go (& do)
No matter what.

Thinking that constant movement was key.
Afraid of what might happen
(Or what might not happen)
If I stopped.

My lifelong health issues have taught me many lessons –
Sadly many by force.

If I push myself too hard…
If I keep going when I’m getting signals to rest

At some point, my body will
Force me to stop.

Preferring to learn my lessons
Instead of repeat them,

I now stop before that point.
No matter how hard it might be.

Knowing that:
Pushing
Forcing
Struggling
Resisting

Is the last thing that I need.

It’s still hard,
Especially in a world
That values movement & doing
Over anything else.

Start.
Then, keep moving.

It’s as if somewhere in the back of our minds
We equate stopping with death.

How can I stop…?

Things are going to fall apart.

And, even when we do,
We worry that we might fall down
A deep dark hole
And never be able to get ourselves to restart.

That we might lose all our progress –
Or, the illusion of it.

What if I stop
Then realize…

I really want to walk away or quit?

What if the lack of movement
Turns up the volume of my thoughts too much?

What if I don’t like what I see?
How I feel?
The direction I’m going?

Things I’m likely only to notice fully
Only when I halt.

Self awareness is drowned out by noise
Coming from outside & in.

If we want:
Peace
Tranquility
Joy
Happiness
Health
Well-being

Stopping (to gather awareness)
Is alway where we must begin.

 

Christie
Christie
Obvious self care enthusiast. Long time yoga practitioner. Introvert. Avid reader. Obsessive learner. Perpetual student.

Also blogging at accountableformyself.com

Read more about my personal journey.

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